my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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