saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
