is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
