I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
