that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
there is glitter all over my balls
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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