STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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