rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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