Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
