I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
