I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize