So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
