1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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