Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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