as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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