Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
