discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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