may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
