So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
