jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
