i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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