He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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