my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
