Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
