My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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