Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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