and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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