I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
