can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
