Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
