I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
