oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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