I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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