I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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