I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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