fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
