if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
