matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
