I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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