someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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