...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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