My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont even know how to be here
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
