I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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