So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
where am i from again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
