Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
