I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
