Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing