I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.