I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend