You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?