Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting