STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.