hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"