Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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