I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
