You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
