i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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