i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
