I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
