community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let's paint friendship bongs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
