i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
