Buhtt sex?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
