I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
