mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
