Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
