is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had sex on a roof
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
