you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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