If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
