Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
