I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize