I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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