i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
