Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
