He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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