Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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