just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
