i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
