Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize