YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
