drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
